You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Just puked most of my soul out..
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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