She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
