I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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