Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
