Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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