it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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