He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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