There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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