I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
