can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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