I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize