i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
she smelled like a LAN party
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
