apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
