it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
