Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I just gift wrapped bread.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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