I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Randomize
