So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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