you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
