You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
