I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
