I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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