.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
