You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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