That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
