there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
