He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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