...so i touched it.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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