First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
