I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
