what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
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