You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'd cum for enchiladas.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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