I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
