i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
