Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I just want to make out with him forever
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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