I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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