The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
