please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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