I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize