her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
