Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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