mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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