um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
