On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
