Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize