if you like me you must not know who I am
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
