i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
