we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Randomize