Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
