She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
