i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
