i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
your room smells of hookers.
And success
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
