I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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