I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Who died my cat blue again?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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