I accidentally had phone sex last night
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
