You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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