Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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