Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
