Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
