Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
