The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
