Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I want to be your penis for a week.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Dicks are not precious.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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