I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
