Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
