Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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