i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
