if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
