my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
nutella sex= disaster
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
