I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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