Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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