the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
