I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
