Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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