"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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