Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
