toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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