I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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