I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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